What are the signs of covert narcissistic abuse that most people miss?
07.06.2025 11:36
You’ll stop buying things for yourself so that you don’t anger the narcissist. They will buy themselves expensive things and when it comes to you spending $10.00, they’ll say “Why do you need that?”, “don’t you already have enough?” They will nag you until you say “just forget it.”.
They are very secretive. Locking phones and computers quickly if you enter the room, possibly hiding porn or that they are talking to other people. They will pretend that they did it to give you their undivided attention. They are very jealous. They will want to keep you all to themselves and disguise it with they love you so much and can’t bare to be without you all the time. You will get the feeling something is off and you will brush it off like you are over reacting. You’re not over reacting!
Don’t wait until it’s too late and you are the one answering these questions about narcissist… run a background check on this person! Knowledge is power and I’m sure we all wish we had done just that. Don’t tell him/her you ran a background check. Ask questions you already have answers to and see if they lie about where they’ve lived or if they’ve ever been in trouble. Remember … they LIE! Especially if they’ve been to jail or prison. If they have, you need to get the real reason they were there because they’ll never tell you the truth.
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They are skilled manipulators. They’ve been manipulating people their entire lives and they are good at it. They are habitual liars and can lie to your face without you ever realizing it. The only way you will ever catch them in a lie is when they’ve lied about everything so much they can’t keep the lies straight. When you call them out on it and point out the lie, they will try to convince you that you are crazy, that they never said that.
Once the narcissist has reeled you in and the abuse starts, you will constantly say “I’m sorry”. You’ll apologize for just breathing. Other people will tell you to stop apologizing because you’re doing it about every other sentence. You’ll jump at the slightest noise. Your nerves will be shot and you’ll constantly worry. You’ll stop going places and spending time with friends and family. You will, at some point, stop speaking to anyone other than the narcissist.
“Oh, he’s just tired, he works really hard all day” or “he didn’t mean it”, “he was just joking”, “ he’s really a nice person you just have to get to know him.” “he’s going through a lot right now”. The sad thing is you believe what you are saying because he/she has manipulated you for so long that they can make you believe just about anything.
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In the beginning they will appear to be the most self-less, giving, loving, caring individual that you have ever met. They will take you out to nice restaurants multiple times a week. They will give you gifts. As the relationship progresses, you will hear them complain about their exes. They will make comments like She/ He was bipolar, or depressed, or always in bed, high-maintenance, things of that nature. They will knock down anyone they've ever had a relationship with and it will always result in something that was mentally wrong with them. They will have you convinced that you are so lucky to have them in your life and that they genuinely care about your well-being.
You’ll make excuses for their behavior and defend them when your friends or family say something negative or just point out how terrible you are being treated. You’ve basically been brainwashed from the moment you let this person into your life. You’ll say things like;
If you have a savings account, don’t tell them about it! They will find ways to make you spend that money so you won’t have it. They don’t want you to have any means to escape from them when things get really bad, and they will.
If your gut is telling you not to trust this person, you need to listen. Do they call you at the strangest moments? Like the second you get out of bed, even though it’s never the same time of the day? They seem to always call at the oddest times, like the moment you step foot out of the bedroom? Check your house for hidden cameras. Narcissist are control freaks that want to keep you on a leash.
The narcissist will try to turn you against your own family or anyone else that you know. Another tactic to isolate you from everyone. The narcissist doesn’t want anyone to interfere or convince you to leave him/her. After all, if you have no where to go, you won’t be able to leave.
Being with a narcissist will darken your soul and you will never trust anyone again. They are soul – sucking monsters.
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They will cause you to lose your self-esteem. They will point out tiny flaws on your skin. They will point out you’ve gained weight or your stomach looks swollen, they will find cruel things to hurt you with even if you only gained 2 lbs. They will make you feel like you gained 40. You may even start wearing make up to bed to sleep in because they have hurt your feelings about a flaw. When they start calling you nasty names, it only gets worse from there. They are cruel monsters.
When the abuse has gone on for so long, you start having panic attacks. You probably never experienced one in your entire life until that moment. You’ll become depressed and withdrawn. You will feel like there is no way out and the narcissist will find ways from the beginning to have you become dependent on them.
When you’re grocery shopping together because he/she won’t let you out of their sight. If you choose something only you like, they’ll throw a fit over the price embarrassing you in front of everyone so that you will put it back and only get the things that he/she likes.
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